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Rejected
Posts:10
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| 04/24/2006 3:52 PM |
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hello.
even as i write this my heart is pounding and im not sure why.
God touched me at one point in my young life, probably more than ten years ago and i answered that call. i believed and loved open and honestly everyone. as i grew up i was poor but spiritually happy. then "the age of reason" came and i thought i was too smart to believe in a God. i realized how much i didn't have (even though i didn't realize that the things i didn't have were things i didn't need) and i got angry. i made the usual arguments:
'if god is so good why do bad things happen to good people'
'why are most "christians" so closed minded and judgemental' and, as christians are
supposed to emulate Christ - who loved everyone unconditionally- are full of scorn for people who do things that they think are wrong.' etc.
i rebeled. i think part of this was because i felt the southern baptist teachings i grew up with didn't make any sense. why was it wrong to do some of the things i enjoyed if i harmed no one- not even my self. i was taught to fear God's wrath and pray for redemption. i was told i was a sinner. well... "i might as well embrace my nature" i thought. and i did. i thought i was enlightened, i told myself that i was a rung up on the evolutionary ladder. "only Sheep need Shepherd" But something was still missing. i felt, and still feel, a vacancy in my soul. i searched in dark places for answers that are supposed to be there among the arcane and occult. and found nothing but more deception or complete nonsense. i slandered god and his followers, i'm guilty of all seven "deadly sins' and i've broken each commandment but one.
i guess my question is this: Is it possible for someone who has been walking in darkness for so long to come back into the light and be truly welcomed? and if so, are there really answers that my human brain can understand or am i supposed to just "trust in god's plan"
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baronsabato
Posts:78
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| 04/24/2006 8:39 PM |
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| When I was in high school (not too long ago, but it seems like an eternity) I decided I would reject God. I called myself an atheist, I read up on anything that could disprove His existence, I felt a perverse happiness when I saw God's followers stumble. Was I in a pit of darkness? Sometimes, I as.
But even then, even in my darkest hour, God was with me. I don't know what changed, but I had every reason not to be a Christian, and yet sometime during my Senior year of high school, I started turning back to Jesus. It was like he kept calling back to me, asking me to return to him. I could no longer be an atheist (I never really was), and about a year ago, I started going back to church. I finally found God again, and I felt like I was back at home.
So is it possible for someone like you to come back to God? Of course! I was in a similar situation as you, thinking that God was never going to accept me back, and yet after much searching, I found that God was waiting for me all along- all I had to do was look for Him, and there He was, waiting with open arms. And God wants us to love Him with all our hearts, souls, and MINDS- we are gifted with a mind and God surely wants us to use it.
I hope you'll find what you're looking for, and welcome. |
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"the whole irreducible point of the faith,
God thrown in human waste, submerged and shining.
We have grown used to beauty without horror.
We have grown used to useless beauty." |
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Booktender
Posts:14
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| 04/24/2006 9:31 PM |
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God always welcomes you, no matter where you are on your spiritual journey. In God's eyes you were never away. |
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bmrathbun
Posts:68
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| 04/25/2006 8:04 AM |
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Standing around "trusting in God's plan" is often an excuse for not doing anything outside our past experience and capability. The apostle Paul said "Test everything." I don't see any exceptions to that recommendation. Ask. Question. Take things apart and see how they work. Look at it from all angles, whatever "it" is. God gave us brains capable of wonder and imagination. We learn, we stretch, we grow. Come, dip your toe in the water, swim with us for a time. There is no darkness so deep that God is not there also. God doesn't only dwell in the light. God created both dark and light, and we learn things in the dark that will inform our lives in the light. Welcome to a world of wonder and discovery.
Pastor Barbara |
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lisa
Posts:31
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| 04/25/2006 9:16 AM |
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| Jesus told a story of a woman who lost a coin. She searched all over and when she finally found it, she celebrated. She called in her neighbors to rejoice with her. Jesus said that when one person comes back to God (for God never left you, you just tried to leave God) there is great rejoicing. All of heaven is rejoicing because you want to come back to the light. You are truly welcomed, by God, and by us! Those answers you seek--I wish they were easy to find or that I could just tell you what they are. it doesn't work that way, but if you keep seeking, with heart and human brain, God will lead you. |
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Rejected
Posts:10
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| 04/25/2006 9:56 AM |
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but this is so frightening because i know that if i choose to walk this path my whole life, as comfortable as i've become in it, will have to change. i keep looking for an easier and softer way. but i guess i know that its really not there. "broad is the path and wide is the gate"
i looked on the UCC church finder and there is not a UCC church within 50 miles of where i am. most of the people i know who assiciate themselves with a church seem to have forgotten the two biggest teachings in the Book. "love God with all your heart; Love your neighbor as yourself" the people around here seem to find it so easy to look down their nose at you when they find out that you are a "heathen" that is makes me sick. i just dont understand how they can honestly say that they follow Christ when they display such a blatant disregard for his teachings. they seem to shut out any who are not of their faith. didn't Christ say "Those who are well have no need of a physician"? and,"i did not come to cal the righteous, but the sinners." |
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Posts:0
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| 04/25/2006 11:44 AM |
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I think the fear of "but I have to change." keeps many people from going to church or becoming part of a church community. I heard Jay Bakker (Yup -- Jim Bakker's son -- he all grown up now) who is part of a ministry called "revolution" in Atlanta say a year or so ago, "The changes that happen to people because of what God is doing comes in God's timing -- not ours."
Even the changes that happen in us are the ones that God does -- not the ones that are forced on us by someone who thinks they know all the answers.
No matter who, no matter what, no matter where -- you're welcome,
[QUOTE]Rejected wrote
but this is so frightening because i know that if i choose to walk this path my whole life, as comfortable as i've become in it, will have to change. i keep looking for an easier and softer way. but i guess i know that its really not there. "broad is the path and wide is the gate"
[/QUOTE] |
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innervisions
Posts:29
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| 04/25/2006 10:22 PM |
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[QUOTE]Rejected wrote
i guess my question is this: Is it possible for someone who has been walking in darkness for so long to come back into the light and be truly welcomed? and if so, are there really answers that my human brain can understand or am i supposed to just "trust in god's plan"
[/QUOTE]
For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. What you've done is not any worse than what anyone else has done. God didn't let go of you when you let go of Him. Ain't enough darkness in this world to separate you two. So come on home where you belong!!!
Now, as for "God's plan," I'm one of those Christians that chose not to analyze everything. I truly try to remember that God has a plan that I might not understand. But in the end, He will never try to harm me. He loves me with a ruthless and reckless love. And that makes me feel secure in the face of every adversity. |
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Bookworm
Posts:2
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| 04/26/2006 11:50 AM |
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I like to think of God as a "no-exceptions" loving parent. You can be the bad, rebellious kid by not following God's teachings. You can denounce what's in your heart and do bad things. You can even pervert the message into personal gain at the expense of others. However, one day, you're going to hear God's quiet whisper in your heart and "repent"*. Then, you will understand that God was there all along, quietly loving you and waiting for your return. This is true for everyone, even the vilest members of the human race, (of which I am sure you're not even close).
I was where you are now a year ago. I felt that quiet whisper become a shout. I would suggest reading books about Christianity. Also, there are a lot of online resources, including audio files of sermons. That really helped me to shape my faith again.
Based on what you posted, I would suggest reading three books by Marcus Borg, Reading the Bible Again for the First Time, Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time and The Heart of Christianity. You might also want to do a Google search on "Progressive Christianity". These are just my suggestions. I'm sure the other memebers here will have many other resources to help.
*-(I am reading a lot of books about Jesus and the Bible. One of the things most repeated is that the word "repent" really means "return". It just makes the pleadings of the prophets in the Hebrew Bible and the New Testament so much lovelier to me.) |
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innervisions
Posts:29
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| 04/26/2006 1:30 PM |
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| Bookworm, thanks for the book suggestions. I'm going to check those out. Also, I really appreciate what you said about repentance. Very insightful. |
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WWJD
Posts:40
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| 05/08/2006 11:22 PM |
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The way I look at it from my own fundamentalist/conservative experience is that I *was* in the dark -- to use your analogy! I don't think it is a matter of returning to the light because you were more enlightened when you were asking questions and rebelling then when you accepted what was being taught in your church. So you've been in the light for quite some time. Perhaps now is the time to take the next step and find a community to do that with.
[QUOTE]Rejected wrote
hello.
even as i write this my heart is pounding and im not sure why.
God touched me at one point in my young life, probably more than ten years ago and i answered that call. i believed and loved open and honestly everyone. as i grew up i was poor but spiritually happy. then "the age of reason" came and i thought i was too smart to believe in a God. i realized how much i didn't have (even though i didn't realize that the things i didn't have were things i didn't need) and i got angry. i made the usual arguments:
'if god is so good why do bad things happen to good people'
'why are most "christians" so closed minded and judgemental' and, as christians are
supposed to emulate Christ - who loved everyone unconditionally- are full of scorn for people who do things that they think are wrong.' etc.
i rebeled. i think part of this was because i felt the southern baptist teachings i grew up with didn't make any sense. why was it wrong to do some of the things i enjoyed if i harmed no one- not even my self. i was taught to fear God's wrath and pray for redemption. i was told i was a sinner. well... "i might as well embrace my nature" i thought. and i did. i thought i was enlightened, i told myself that i was a rung up on the evolutionary ladder. "only Sheep need Shepherd" But something was still missing. i felt, and still feel, a vacancy in my soul. i searched in dark places for answers that are supposed to be there among the arcane and occult. and found nothing but more deception or complete nonsense. i slandered god and his followers, i'm guilty of all seven "deadly sins' and i've broken each commandment but one.
i guess my question is this: Is it possible for someone who has been walking in darkness for so long to come back into the light and be truly welcomed? and if so, are there really answers that my human brain can understand or am i supposed to just "trust in god's plan"
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