CHURCH IN SHAMBLES > Forums

Unanswered

Active Topics

Forums

Members

Forums > Communities > UCC 101

Subject: CHURCH IN SHAMBLES

Email me when someone replies to this thread.

You are not authorized to post a reply.

Author

Messages

churchinshambles
New User

Posts:2

04/28/2008 9:24 PM

JonAtFaithUCC
New User

Posts:4

04/28/2008 11:56 PM
Sorry for your difficulties, Shambles. My church went through something like your situation a few years back. The only difference is that it all took place over a 6-7 year period instead of 12 year period. S/he left and the church struggled for quite some time. Several folks weren't even aware of some of the issues going on within our church and then found themselves somewhat aware of the problems, mixed with lots of half-truths from either side. Several people left and a few people are still on the fence nearly five years later. We ended up having a professional conflict resolution therapist come visit with us for a while. That was followed up with a very good interim pastor who did her/his best to get us beyond some of our hurts and then to nudge us towards our goal of obtaining a new permanent pastor.

BetHannon

Posts:2

04/29/2008 2:03 AM
Shambles, I too am sorry to hear of this situation. I'll be praying for you all. It is hard to recover trust among the congregation members when this sort of thing happens, and I hope you'll take up Jon's suggestion of bringing in someone with some special gifts or training for helping you all navigate these rapids. Several years back, I was the pastor in a somewhat similar situation of conflict, ending in a forced resignation. I think you are right in one sense, that you (all of you) may not "get closure"-- in the sense of a full reconciliation with this pastor. But one important place you may "act your way into" some measure of reconciliation and closure is by using the liturgy of farewell from the UCC Book of Worship to say goodbye to your pastor in the last worship service. In this liturgy, both pastor and people ask and offer forgiveness to one another and honor their time of ministry together. I know that this was important for me and for people from the church as we parted.

subear

Posts:732

04/29/2008 12:01 PM
"My" church went through something like that about 3 years ago. It's very traumatic for everyone. I am thinking that situations like these happen (get expressed) because of unresolved issues in the subconscious of many of the members and the minister(s). It gets played out in the drama of life, on the stage of "church" and is a symptom of unexamined, unhealed childhood dynamics. Church members often project their childhood family relationships (or wished for "ideal family") onto the minister (and other church leaders) . . . and expect him/her/them to fulfill their "missing parts." Many congregations become reenactments of dysfunctional families. In an "ideal world," guiding people to become aware of (and to heal) their unresolved psychological wounds should be the job of the "interim minister" (if they have the proper training). My compassion and love is with you and your (former) minister. In Peace, Love and Understanding, Susannah

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

sfbiker

Posts:0

04/29/2008 6:19 PM
Our congregation has been through several minister issues in the 1990's. We learned a great deal about what to do AND what not to do! We learned that the success of our church depended more on us than it did on the minister. Losing our minister forced us to really believe this in our hearts. We learned to be really clear on duties and priorities. A few years before we had a problem like yours, we actually held a congregational "workshop" to rewrite the job description of the minister and the congregation -- without our minister present (espcially since we were without one at that time). That went a long way to helping us decide what our minister's job expectations should be. We covered everything from sermon-giving to personal care to spiritual guidance to mission to administration. I think it's a good thing for all church congregations to do -- even if the minister is doing great! A clear description of a minister's priorities and duties are of great help to both the minister and the congregation because the view of the position needs to be the same among all people in church leadership. (In our case, our "mindset" changed from one where we expected the minister to be an administrator to one where we wanted a minister to be more of a "pastor", and we shifted the executive duties to others.) It may be that through redefining some responsibilities and expectations, the differences of opinion on what a minister is can be resolved among the congregation. I hope you have encouraged your minister to have a professional collegue who is a "confidente" that the minister can talk to. No one including ministers can always be strong. A confidente who is a collegue does not take the place of a therapist, but is important to have during rough times. A church is an organization that must be led with excitement and vision. Change can be good for the soul. A minister's spirit and a congregation both ultimately need to thrive. Short periods of "dark cloud" times will occur, but it is not a healthy long-term condition. Once you end up saying bye to your minister, be VERY CAREFUL on the next step. Invite several ministers to be guest preachers if at all possible, and if circumstances allow it, give them a very short trial run. Interview at least three candidates if at all possible. Make sure you find out their philosphy about what they think a minister is supposed to do. ALWAYS CHECK INDEPENDENT REFERENCES! A minister that is a good fit with church A may not be a fit with church B, and vice versa (which is another reason to have that workshop)! I'll stop now...

churchinshambles
New User

Posts:2

04/30/2008 9:37 PM

You are not authorized to post a reply.

Forums > Communities > UCC 101 > CHURCH IN SHAMBLES

ActiveForums 3.6